Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
