gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize