I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
