I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
