I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I bet he comes in French.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize