I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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