just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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