i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
