The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
