Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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