i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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