trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize