Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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