what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
