Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
false alarm. still invincible.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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