for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
