I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
