We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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