just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize