seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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