you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize