i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
