so explain again why im purple
no
She announced her abortion via fbk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
