Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
