fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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