...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
