Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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