ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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