I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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