i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
