You can't special order awesome
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
