she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize