I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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