I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
In America we eat man semen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
then he tried to convert me to islam
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just had sex on a roof
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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