Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
