I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
