I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
