super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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