I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
