I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
