speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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