My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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