I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
