First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
