I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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