The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
