im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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