Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the day after is always just damage control
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize