If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
