Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
