Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
