Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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