Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
