youre lurking in front of me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
