Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude. I can hear the air.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
