WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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