Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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