Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to fling myself into the sun
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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