Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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