i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm having to shit out rocks
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
