i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
