if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
