I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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