What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
