I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
