so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
