So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize