We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
