in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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