OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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