the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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